


A Part of Him

by midoriverte



Series: Hidekane Week 2018 [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Day 1: Sacrifice, Discussion of Scarring, Hidekane Week, Hidekane Week 2018, M/M, nothing graphic though, spoilers to the end of re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 04:32:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15405048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: “I just… don’t understand, why you don’t-”“Fix my face?” Hide said coldly.Kaneki looked away. “I wasn’t going to say it like that.”Hidekane Week Day 1- Sacrifice





	A Part of Him

**Author's Note:**

> thanks sondeneige for beta-ing!

Hide was reading over reports at his and Kaneki’s kitchen table. They weren’t even the fun kind of reports. Just some low level ghoul rebellion which would not amount to anything, and some reports of human attendance at ghoul-run coffee shops. 

 

Hide looked up at Kaneki to comment that they really needed to hire some more interns so he would never have to read this sort of thing again, but when he did he noticed that Kaneki was staring pointedly at the left side of Hide’s face. He flinched a little and looked away when he saw that Hide had seen it. 

 

Closing his eyes to pray for patience, Hide bit out “That’s the third time I’ve seen you staring, Kaneki. Is there something you want to say to me?”

 

“I- I wasn’t,” Kaneki spluttered, going red and reaching up to touch his chin before stopping himself at the look at Hide’s face. “I was, I’m sorry,” he mumbled, looking ashamed. 

 

“What’s up?” Hide said, trying to sound like he was unbothered, but not sure he succeeded. 

 

“It’s just, uh, they’ve made a lot of advancements with technology based on ghouls recently-”

 

“I’m aware,” Hide said. “I’m pretty high up in the TSC, you know?” he added with an attempt at a a laugh. 

 

“I just… don’t understand, why you don’t-” 

 

“Fix my face?” Hide said coldly. 

 

Kaneki looked away. “I wasn’t going to say it like that.”

 

“But that’s what you meant.”

 

Kaneki nodded, looking ashamed. 

 

“I did, if you hadn’t noticed,” Hide said, gesturing towards his face. 

 

“Yeah but-”

 

“Not all the way,” Hide finished. Indeed, the place where he had had a hole right through his cheek had been filled in, though there was a still a very obvious scar. The skin may be connected now, but there was still a very clear dip in his skin, and the tight skin still pulled the left corner of his mouth up in a way that Hide liked to think gave him a permanent half-smile. 

 

Kaneki glanced at it again, before nodding once more. 

 

Hide sighed. How could he answer in a way Kaneki would understand? Sometimes he didn’t even understand it himself. 

 

“I am only human you know,” Hide said finally. “Even if I had more surgery, it would still leave a scar. Even ghoul magic can only do so much.”

 

“It isn’t magic, Hide,” Kaneki said with the slightest hint of a pout. Hide couldn’t help but grin. They had had this argument many times before. 

 

“If you say so, my point is I can only go so far anyway. I can eat properly again now, which is all I really cared about anyway.” 

 

“You wouldn’t have to wear a mask anymore,” Kaneki said quietly.

 

“I don’t have to wear a mask now,” Hide countered, slightly terse. “I could around not wearing a mask and I’d probably only get slightly more stares than I do when I wear the one with the sparkles on it.” 

 

Kaneki snickered. 

 

“I just like accessorizing,” Hide said. 

 

“Mmm,” Kaneki sounded doubtful still. 

 

“In any case, it’s my body and my face and I can do what I want with it.” 

 

Kaneki nodded. “You’re right. Of course you are. I’m… sorry for being such an asshole about it.”

 

“It’s fine,” Hide said, not bothering to comfort Kaneki on the point of being an asshole. 

 

When Kaneki still looked down, Hide added, in an attempt to lighten the mood, “Besides, I can kiss like this now. And, not to brag, but I like to think I’m pretty damn good at it.”

 

Kaneki smirked and leaned forward, kissing Hide on the lips and taking Hide by surprise. Kaneki kissed him lightly, giving him the option to deepen the kiss if he wanted to. And Hide did.

 

He grabbed the back of Kaneki’s head to pull him closer to him, and kissed him deeply for a moment. Only breaking away to breathe properly when they had to. 

 

Kaneki was flushed and breathing heavily as he said, “I can confirm. You are a good kisser.” 

 

Hide laughed and pulled Kaneki in for another kiss, as though to show him just how good he was. 

 

And if his lips felt numb and stiff on the left side, he made up for it and ignored it. 

 

He could not tell Kaneki why he didn’t want more surgery because he didn’t understand it himself. Sure, he could say that the recovery was long and painful (which was true), and he didn’t want to take the time off work for it. But the truth was more complicated. 

 

The truth was that his scars were a part of him now. He was not sure he would recognize his face in the mirror without them after all these years. And he was not sure he would like what he saw if he did. 

 

The truth was, the scars were a symbol of his sacrifice for Kaneki. And maybe it was sacrifice that was a part of him now. 

 

But he would not “fix” the scars even if he could. At least not now. In a weird way, he liked them. And if he ever wanted to have surgery to change their appearance he would do it in his own time, and it would be his choice, and he would not do it to make anyone else more comfortable when they looked at him. 

 

He wouldn’t do it to make Kaneki more comfortable when he looked at him. And if that made him selfish, he didn’t care. 

 

He felt that he had earned a bit of selfishness. 


End file.
